It’s not that I really don’t like being a mother. But I still live in transition from who I was, to who I am now. So many parts of my life have changed, it’s hard for me to keep up.
You remember the good days…
You watched what you wanted to watch. You ate when you wanted to eat and at the temperature you wanted to eat. You slept when you felt tired and stayed awake when you didn’t. You were in control of your own life.
Although you are still in control of your own life now, things are different. Your desires, your motivations and your spontaneous desires are no longer taken into account in your decision-making as much as before.
Now you consider your children’s needs to be equal to or greater than yours on a day-to-day basis.
It’s good and fine and normal. But it’s still a shock to the system. You have to get used to it.
Here are the most common reasons why mothers lose their identity
I want to mention that these things in themselves are not bad. It’s not that you’re wrong if you do them, it’s just that their consequences can have unforeseen effects on you.
1. Moms lose their identity because their lives revolve around their children.
It’s confusing because when we have kids, our days revolve around them. However, there is a difference between your daily routine that revolves around children and the whole meaning of your life that revolves around them. You can still be on duty 24/7 and be involved in other things.
Having a passion, girls’ nights, moments for you or projects with your children will take you from your four-wall bubble to a broader perspective.
I have to look for something else or I have tunnel vision.
2. Moms lose their identity because they no longer care about how they look
Before, I enjoyed choosing an outfit, doing my hair and putting on a little makeup every morning. Now I’m lucky if I bother to cover my hair with a cap and find matching tops and bottoms. Some days I do, some days I don’t. Not a problem for me as I know this will change over time, however…
It makes me feel that I am no longer the “woman” that I used to be. I don’t look as well dressed or attractive as I used to. I look at women with one or two kids or all of them in school and think…
“Wow…her nails match her outfit…” I don’t feel sorry for myself about that, but it makes a difference.
3. Moms lose their identity because they have to slow down (even if they feel busier)
This is a big problem for many women. They are used to being so involved in so many things that becoming a mother can be difficult. I did a survey once around me at the park and the number 1 challenge mentioned by mothers was loneliness.
They felt isolated, lonely and bored at home when their babies were small. Having children can be a big change for your personality and temperament. This life change can make you feel like a different person. Maybe you don’t party anymore or you don’t see your friends very often. While it doesn’t bother you per se, it will still affect how you see yourself.
4. Moms lose their identity because their identity revolved around their work.
Some girls dreamed of becoming a mother since childhood. These moms may find the transition to motherhood easier. Others find it more difficult. Moms who have given up fulfilling careers to stay at home may experience symptoms bordering on shock.
Even if it’s your choice to stay home (and you don’t regret it), it’s a big change to lose the validation and satisfaction of a job well done. Especially work with measurable results. The work may not seem as important and it certainly doesn’t pay as well.
But be encouraged, as my wise baker says: “Motherhood is unpaid, but still very rewarding. »
5. Moms lose their identity because they have lost the freedom they once had.
As a kid who had traveled a lot, not being able to do “everything I wanted when I wanted” was an ongoing struggle. I was happy to make choices that benefited my whole family, but it changed the face of my life in every way. Very few outings, late nights or socializing.
Of course, I can still do these things with the children, but life has changed and it’s sometimes unsettling.
6. Moms lose their identity because they don’t get enough sleep.
Sleep should be a priority. If a mother and her baby are sleep deprived and overtired, the mood becomes unstable. Emotions are on edge. Although the newborn period can be difficult, after that things should get easier.
You can encourage your babies to sleep longer and you can even take power naps yourself. Even if you have to hire help or go to babysitting to take a long nap, it’s worth it.
In fact, the number one thing that decreases stress is rest. Yes, we’ll probably all sleep with one ear open forever now that we have other people to watch out for, but that doesn’t mean we have to transform. into zombies.
How Moms Can Recover Their Identity
It’s not difficult or quick, but here are some general ways to try to stay connected to who you are, not just your role.
Find new ways to communicate with your friends:
Instead of parties or coffee dates, arrange meetings at the library. Instead of restaurants and movies, try the park or a playground.
Find a hobby:
Try to find a hobby that you enjoy and make time for it. Even if it’s something like hiking, try to incorporate it even once a quarter. You may think it’s impossible, but if you really want to do it, it will happen.
Stop comparing:
This is the “secret” to being satisfied. Even so, it’s hard not to look back and forward when times get tough. By focusing on things that are fleeting now (chubby baby thighs), you’ll be less likely to be nostalgic for the good old days.
Ask for help:
Whether you need to hire someone, babysit, ask family members for help, or just put your kids in the daycare…do what you have to do. If you’re a tired, overworked mom, the effects will compound.
Take care of yourself :
Put the baby or toddler in the crib and take a shower. If you like clothes, dress up. If you like to have beautiful hair, style your hair. Do not neglect the things that brought you confidence and pleasure, even if no one sees them except the baby, you will feel better.
You’ll never have a life like you had before motherhood, and that’s okay.
But you can slowly start to find yourself.
Your identity isn’t lost, it’s just buried under diapers and onesies.
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